A lifetime of failure
All of my life, since my earliest remembered trauma, I’ve been begging to be heard - to be HELD.
And, as fate would have it, it’s never really happened.
Those I love the most ignore my pain, ignore my value, ignore my love.
I am a man without a family, even though I gave decades to make this happen.
Just Goddamn.
Jay you are valued by many.
There is a country song and in the lyrics at a point the man looks in a mirror and wishes his children the best. (I believe the song is by [Travis Trit] This is sage advice.
Is a great day in the Neighborhood. Its a great day to be ALIVE. The sun's still shinning when I close my eyes. Except for those in the eclipse today. That will last several hours for several minutes.
Look forward , not backward unless that is where you intend to go.
GOD BLESS YOU JAY. HANG IN THERE, Better times are ahead. Bob
Also, quite likely your "begging to be heard - to be HELD" is a large part of precisely what they find emotionally disagreeable. As such:
Others typically feel that the masculine's role should be as the protector, structure constructor, and ultimate stability for the relationships, family unit, etc. This is not a role of equal contributions in those regards (otherwise both partners would be equally masculine and feminine, which is uncommon). If the person everyone mentally/emotionally expects to be the masculine (you), but doesn't act as the masculine (instead: begging to be heard & held, which is insecurity and fear), that then fosters more insecurity and fear, thus blame, thus contempt (sounds like your situation now). Sadly, if your neediness is the source of their contempt (beyond just woke nonsense), then the very last thing they will ever give you is what you are wanting, because they intuitively feel that you should be getting it from your own parents, your self, other men (at least the being heard part, and thus respected), or just not need it at all.
It's best to take those expressions of needs to a men's group, and/or qualified men's therapist. Because it's doubtful any amount of external supply will fill that internal void, except by yourself, or not needing it at all.
In other words: your "needing their love" quite possibly is exactly what they don't love about you, and even resent you asking of them at all. The masculine doesn't ask for it. He earns it, and if others don't show it, he moves on.
Really it's just another joke this Life plays on us all. Like a Shakespearian play: "All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players;"