PTSD and Fight or Flight as a life path
This past week, I dumped a couple of connections that were not serving my well being. In fact, I had to reflect on one of the connections, because I had wanted it to be real for so long, and I finally had to come to the stark truth that it was a unilateral connection as to benefit.
You know, when you call someone and they avoid you at times, but every time they call you, you pick up. I mean, I guess I could beat myself up about hanging on for so long, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and I wanted this to be a lifetime friend. I’ve known this person since 2005, and it’s always been hit or miss with them as far as reciprocal connectivity. So, it made me feel aware and self-empowering to let that go. “Flight”.
I remember when the City of Portland settled with me in the lawsuit in federal court. I had been documenting the journey, largely out of anger and rage release, to show the public what was happening, and how I dealt with it under pressure. And when they settled with me, the fight went right out of me. All of a sudden, I wanted to just go underground and be left alone… So I pulled my YouTube channel, and all the content. “Flight.”
So, this week, when a business connection acted in a way that was manipulative and dishonorable, I spoke my mind, and, you guessed it, “Flight”. I walked away.
I’m okay with being alone if it means I don’t have to participate in an unbalanced scene.
Relationship is based on four pillars - communication, trust, honesty, and respect. If one of those pillars is missing, you have a hostage situation. I hate being a hostage, and so, in the choices between fight or flight, flight is the safer and more predictable option.
I’ve ran so many times, I guess I’m an expert. The strangest thing I’ve observed, is that, even when I run, I have a (metaphorical) grenade ready to lob behind me as I’m leaving. Sometimes I lob it, and other times I don’t. It’s just that if I’m driven to the point of needing to escape, I usually make sure (grenade or no grenade) that they know I am not coming back.
Relationship boils down to mutual reward. I’ve had lots of connections, and very few relationships.
So, there’s my rant for the evening.
P.D., JAY V SHORE
Jay V. Shore is a man of his word. Principled, ethical, dedicated to his craft and profession of ADA Advocacy.
Human beings disappoint. Demands in relationships ebb and flow. Give and take occur. In a fight, in any battle, I know that I can count on my friend Jay V. Shore to have my back and not betray my interest. What other measure of a friend is there? God Bless Jay V. Shore. Bob
Of all the reasons people use "flight" from situations/relationships/whatever... shame is a frequent reason, maybe more than people think. I was taught that in my EFT "tapping" training classes because the instructor paid extra attention to it in the steps (upper lip point) because he said it gave the highest success rate of his clients overall. Has been a huge factor in my life. For what it's worth.