Releasing the guilt
or, Realizing the Truth
The past few days have been hell. The guilt of putting up boundaries and telling the narcissist to leave, feeling love for her, but disgust at the same time, and feeling obligation, damn, that one is the most pressing.
I thought I was going to have to seek urgent care, my blood pressure was through the roof, and had some pains we don’t like to talk about.
But then, I saw in my research where narcissists discard people when they don’t get their way, or it conflicts with their frame.
I easily see where my wife discarded me years ago, in several ways, and it gave me the instant elimination of guilt and obligation. It was like a weight lifted off of me.
I’m not discarding her, I’m discarding her damage, her effect, her lies, and inability to acknowledge wrongdoing or take responsibility.
She discarded me. I’m just affirming and enforcing that.
Bye…
P.D., JAY V SHORE.
Marriage is not a universally natural and permanent bond. It’s a construct of society, and often better thought of as a business agreement instead of a fairy tale.
You, like many men, almost certainly wasted far more of your life on people who didn’t appreciate your intentions and contributions. There is no need to continue wasting any more. The tide has turned, and if they want your attention, they can petition for it starting with apologies after they actually realize the difference between “woke” and actually “waking up”.
As far as "guilt": If you never rode a bike before, it feels uncomfortable at first doing so. It's not guilt, but discomfort with unfamiliarity. Well, maybe think of your boundary work similarly: it's not guilt, but unfamiliarity. Something that will soon subside, and you'll be having far happier adventures.
So, good. Stand your ground. Get rid of all that dead weight. Simplify. Eat better, get in better shape, do what you want to do. Live life. Happy trails.