The Eight Stages of Maturity

I saw a video on TikTok by a guy named Don Oakley and he listed these out, and I wanted to put my spin on this. I’ve been through more shit than Charmin, and I’ve been fortunate to learn every step of the way.

The eight stages of human maturity

1. Non-conceptual awareness - We can’t think or form concepts (No sense of personal self)

2. Getting programmed - We receive conditioning from our surroundings

3. Normal Robotic Existence - The rat race based upon our programming. Most people are stuck here, in trance. The day in - day out drone of the tyranny of the urgent distracts from any real growth or self-discovery. We rely on others, therapists, pastors, friends, or co-workers, to validate that we are “doing the right thing” or “on track”, but the only track we are on at this point is the conveyor belt of life’s treadmill. We can spend 40-60 years here, and then look back at the end and ask ourselves why we didn’t have more or do more…

4. A turning point. This happens when crisis occurs to the level that breeds change. In the previous stage, we face everyday crises in a cycle of cognitive dissonance and repeating the cycle. We go get the validation we crave in our ego, and that validation says “keep doing what you’re doing” (everybody else is doing it, and they can’t be wrong, can they?) And, in this previous cycle, we recommit to our robotic existence because we have things that must be done, or they won’t get done, y’unnerstand… (eyeroll)
   
   But when crisis reaches the point of pulling the entire rug out from under us, it is then that the belief systems that have brought us this far have to be acknowledged as problematic and unsustainable. The oft-repeated question of “is this all there is” yields a different answer than recommitting to the belief system that got us here in this crisis. We are forced to reckon with the dissonance which has entered our cognitive space - That’s why they call it cognitive dissonance. Before this point, the dissonance seems to be inconsequential or trivial. Before this point, the dissonance was dealt with in our subconscious, our sympathetic nervous system of fight/flight/tend/befriend. But when this crisis of change happens, the dissonance demands resolution and a total overhaul of our biases, heuristics, and strongly held beliefs. We then enter the parasympathetic (cognitive/executive) nervous system functions, and we can rest/digest, and this is the spot of our “zero point” energy, where all things are now possible, because we are letting go of failed systems of beliefs. This is where miracles begin to occur.

5. Asking the big question - Who am I, Really? Until this time, our identity is based upon the ego (sympathetic nervous system) and surrounding programming, and our life experiences which cement these directives upon our ego identity.
   
   Looking deeply in the mirror, if we truly question who we are and what we want, we must start at the beginning and re-examine all we have been programmed with. We have to create our true identity without fear, hate, control, or external demand for performance. This is where we find the “lex tenebris” - the law of darkness, when we go into our deepest, darkest fear, and are forced to discover that we are all powerful and must self-govern, without allegiance to the programming or the expectations of others. We find our inner spark, our true light, in this darkest place of our mind. We face the deepest fear that we are unworthy, or unloveable, and we choose to give ourselves permission to be worthy, to be loved by ourselves. Love is allowance. We allow ourselves to become whole, and in this catalytic moment. Of equal importance is the act of letting others go their way at this point, without demanding that they follow us along or maintain connection for our ego’s validation. This is a point of separation from ego, and it will resemble mourning a death to varying degrees. It’s not easy, but as my ol’ buddy Bill says, “if it was easy, everybody would be doing it.”

6. Discovering what we’ve always been. This is a growing state of awareness, and finding our true nature. This is looking in the mirror and asking “what’s really important to me?” There are things we have brought with us through experience, that we have only visualized one way (without our self-permission, and only through the lens of our programmed ego) and when we engage in this discovery and self-examination, we get to re-paint ourselves as we wish, by our expectations and desires, and without the external demands. This is reaching the spiritual point of enlightenment. We’ve found our inner spark, and this is our time to fan that spark into a flame.

   
   It is a great reward to reach this level and self-define our own identity. In repugnance to the manufactured identity crises of the current social construct, the discovery and embracing of our self-identity neither needs nor demands validation from others.

7. Stabilizing our (self) Discovery. This is the part of maturity where we revisit, over and over the decisions that embrace our identity to the point of habit. When we face situations in this stage, we are learning to run things through our new filters and see what matters to us - FIRST, and then see if that can come into alignment with whatever situation we are facing. This stage expedites efficiency and the growth here is exponential.
   
   We become adept and proficient at seeing control mechanisms of external expectations of society, “friends”, work, and religious dogma, and we learn in this phase to reconcile our own desire as paramount, based upon our spirit within us, which lets us know how to say no, when needed (and this will be often, at first) to the demands of others that are solely for the purpose of their ego.
   
   Understand that when others see us being different, it will make them uncomfortable. They will say things like “you seem off” or “you haven’t quite been yourself - Is something bothering you?” or similar sentiments meant to bring you back into their alignment with stage three of this list. You will already know that this is to be avoided, and you can deal with this in this stage, and I would encourage using the Socratic method, and incorporating tools like Chris Voss’s book “Never Split The Difference” and others. I find Dr. Jordan Peterson to have some very wise counsel and insight into this stage of stabilization of our self-discovery.

8. Coming into alignment with life. Being okay with what is, and doing the next obvious thing that is in service to our identity and purpose. These doors will continue to open.
   
   Everything in life is an asset or a liability, depending on your perspective. Reaching the perspective of “anything is possible” will allow you to flow more easily.

I tell people “Plan A fucked me over. I’m on Plan BE.” Just be.

If you’re wondering where I would assess myself to be, I’m working stages 6-8. And I think this will be my path going forward, to keep those stages in play, so that I can continue to self-discover, stabilize, and flow with what life has for my benefit.

P.D., JAY V. SHORE

P.D., JAY V. SHORE, Certified ADA Advocate