For those of you thinking that I should only be writing about ADA matters on this blog, well, this is a trauma that I’m processing through and affects my disabilities greatly. So read it or blow it off. I don’t care. I just need to have this down in writing.
I hated bringing this to a head. Perhaps I didn’t feel worthy enough of self-valuation to the point of insisting on having my voice heard in my own family. That goes back to childhood, but the more I face this, the more it improves.
I still love my ex. That will never change. I’ll always see the wounded little girl who was afraid to get into trouble, and thus afraid to admit wrongdoing and accepting responsibility because of her patterned countermeasures to trouble.
The breach (straw) that broke the camel’s back was when my ex and my middle daughter conspired for over a month for my daughter to have a man from Portland fly in, rent a car, and drive her back to Portland and live with him, his wife, and his children. She is 19, so she had the ability to make this decision, and while this was and is bizarre, due to this family (J. David and Sarah A. Lowe) showing extreme interest in my kids and showing my ex and I absolutely no support with family support, such as interpersonal skills, communication, or relationship building, while they were more than happy to be a surrogate family for my kids.
I don’t think, or even suspect that David and Sarah have any nefarious intent, although I did miss that my ex was practicing covert narcissism for years. I will say that it hurts for them to have shown such interest in my kids while leaving us out of their support offerings. I didn’t want money from them. Friendship, and actual caring for how we maintained our family connection would have been honorable, and instead, they too endeared themselves to the kids, and my ex and I were alienated by their actions.
I don’t hesitate to name them, because I’m telling my story. If they had wanted to avoid being named in this implication, they should have acted differently. Period.
My ex told me AFTER my daughter left, and after David had picked her up to go back to Portland. She’s living with them, in their household, to my understanding.
That my ex didn’t tell me this beforehand, allow me to at least know it, communicate about it, and tell my daughter goodbye is a breach of trust that I will never forgive.
Only she couldn’t own that it was a breach. Her answers were “She told me not to tell you" and “We didn’t think you’d let her go” and “We didn’t know how you’d react”…
I’m still too shell-shocked to process all of this, but writing it out helps. Hopefully I’m not the only one that sees this as a harmful thing.
David and Sarah are liberal, to classify them, and they support the LGBTQ agenda, from what my ex and kids told me. To have them provide a safe-haven for my kids with this as a baseline, when they know that I am wholeheartedly against the Trans/Woke Cult, is, in my mind, a form of grooming my kids into no-contact and harming them irreparably. Currently, I can do nothing about an adult child of mine accepting this kind of scenario, so I’m just writing it out.
Oh, by the way, when my oldest two kids (adults at the time) left and went back to Portland they lived with David and Sarah for a year or so…
The Lowes have directly and indirectly contributed to the annihilation of my identity as a father. There, I said it.
So, when my ex wouldn’t own up to this breach, I said, look, you have to figure out somewhere else to go.
She chose to go to Sedona Arizona and live in a tent… You read that correctly.
The friends I told this to said this appeared to be a manipulation tactic to get me to capitulate to her continued presence in my life. I agreed.
Nevertheless, I took immaculate care of her while she was arranging all of this. I wanted her to know that as long as she was in my space, she was going to be cared for, taken care of, and protected. I’m sure there is a stark difference now.
And, on March 19, 2024, she took way too much luggage, tents, sleeping bag, camping equipment, and she flew to Arizona. I made sure she received some things that she couldn’t carry through security, such as a knife, a camping tool, and other supplies that are not allowed on flights.
Then I changed my number.
I haven’t heard from her since. She has my email address, and there are other ways to get me a message, but she too has remained silent.
The woman I gave 30 years of my life to, adored, still love, and wanted to be with until death, couldn’t face acknowledging a wrongdoing and apologize for it, so instead, she went off on an adventure that looks like as much of a nightmare as I’m having with extricating her from my duty roster.
But, my purpose here is to keep being me, find my love for myself, and tell my story.
This is one of those chapters.
P.D., JAY V. SHORE
So many of us care and are greatful you express what you feel to all of us it does help everyone