What kind of person gives hate for love?
What kind of person gives hate for love?
As I sit here this morning, tears pouring from my heart and my soul, I miss my kids,
As a PTSD Dad, I tried my best to love them in my bubble of misophonia, constant trauma, and providing for them to have food and safety.
And it seems that my ex painted me as someone who was not to be bothered, someone who shouldn’t be approached, and she painted this picture to me the same way.
I often told her to tell them I love them, and I know she didn’t. Sometimes I would say, I just want to go back and tell them I love them. She would tell me that it would upset them…
Why was I too focused on just surviving to avoid dealing with this absurdity?
Why? Why? Why?
Why can’t I hold my kids, tell them I love them, tell them I’m proud of them, and give them my love?
What is this cosmic burden that I received?
Why have I been tasked with being alone?
I was alone for years in my home before they all left. And she endorsed this, through her actions and words, and still yet, I can’t hate her. I still love them all…
What. The. Fuck…
If there is a hell, it can’t be worse than this…
I love them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q3cfI4pthQ
Charley Crockett - "Downtrodden Man"
I ain't got nobody to help me when I'm ill
I ain't got nobody to walk me up this hill
If I had a secret that you could understand
Maybe I wouldn't be such a downtrodden man
Heavy-handed work
Steadily been keeping me down
Heavy-handed world
Don't want me around
I ain't got nobody, to help me down this road
I ain't got nobody, to tell me which way to go
If I had a secret that you could understand
Maybe I wouldn't be such a downtrodden man
Heavy-handed work
Steadily been keeping me down
Heavy-handed world
Don't want me around
I do believe that if I had wings
I'd still be lonesome
Though I fly the river high, fly that river high
Never sold a lie
I ain't got nobody to help me when I'm ill
I ain't got nobody to walk me up this hill
If I had a secret that you could understand
Maybe I wouldn't be such a downtrodden man
The mercies of forgiveness; don’t allow bitterness to spoil your enthusiasm for righteousness and the thrill and enjoyment of life. Endeavor to make your world better and more wonderfully beautiful. It is always darkest before dawn. Be a guiding light to the people you are around you. May God Grant you peace of mind, body, and soul.