I'm not okay
You know, I try every day to act as if I’m okay. But it’s just an act. The pain of losing my family has been a crushing weight on my mind and spirit. I’m in a funk, and don’t know how to get out of it.
Before anyone suggests something, know that I don’t expect YOU to fix this. You can’t.
Every day, I get up, do my stuff for ADA clients, and then the day just wanes away. I get little tasks done, I go out, I run errands, but my “why” is gone. It’s as if I’ve reached this point, doing all of this work investigating the system, knowing what I know that not very many people know about how to fight it, and I can’t put that to use to get myself out of this. It’s a quagmire.
I’m in a location that I don’t want to be social, and the kinds of social events here would only cause me to see how outside of their box I am.
I don’t have a “tribe” or a “purpose” any more. Those things rejected me.
And I have no idea what to do about it.
I’ve wanted to cry, no, wail for days, and I can’t even do that.
Men need help too.
I was separated from the only person I've ever loved, and the only person who ever loved me. I've spent almost 20 years alone. I just grew to accept life alone. People are such a mess I don't really want to be too involved with them, and they're all dealing with their own issues, everyone is. Our Western society has gradually enforced isolation more and more over the decades. You eventually just learn how to be on your own. You grow to accept that. Even when you're with other people, you're still largely alone. It's best to learn how to be at ease with yourself, and to accept yourself.
This doesn't exclude the possibility of more though. I recently met someone new, and at almost 50, I feel like my life is just starting. I know things might not work out, but I'm not going to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm really looking forward to the possibility of a new life, with new levels of intimacy, being completely dedicated to this person.
Your previous life, your family, was everything. But you may not ever get any of that back. It's ok to move on and find someone new.
You said: "Men need help too."
Yeah, have you watched and applied all the videos from the sources I've sent you repeatedly? Two most primary ones being:
* Lise Leblanc = https://www.youtube.com/@LiseLeblanc/videos
* Orion Taraban (Psychacks) = https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks/videos
Men (more accurately "males") need help too, indeed. The resources really aren't nearly 5% as available as females have.
HOWEVER, males also need to seek and apply it though, which is on us to do. And even to set up the resources for other males. Which is something you could do if you want to have a "tribe." (Just don't delete the whole thing suddenly one day on a whim, and leave everyone hangin...)