I was separated from the only person I've ever loved, and the only person who ever loved me. I've spent almost 20 years alone. I just grew to accept life alone. People are such a mess I don't really want to be too involved with them, and they're all dealing with their own issues, everyone is. Our Western society has gradually enforced isolation more and more over the decades. You eventually just learn how to be on your own. You grow to accept that. Even when you're with other people, you're still largely alone. It's best to learn how to be at ease with yourself, and to accept yourself.
This doesn't exclude the possibility of more though. I recently met someone new, and at almost 50, I feel like my life is just starting. I know things might not work out, but I'm not going to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm really looking forward to the possibility of a new life, with new levels of intimacy, being completely dedicated to this person.
Your previous life, your family, was everything. But you may not ever get any of that back. It's ok to move on and find someone new.
Men (more accurately "males") need help too, indeed. The resources really aren't nearly 5% as available as females have.
HOWEVER, males also need to seek and apply it though, which is on us to do. And even to set up the resources for other males. Which is something you could do if you want to have a "tribe." (Just don't delete the whole thing suddenly one day on a whim, and leave everyone hangin...)
Meanwhile, our lives here don't have to revolve around one family relationship. Many people NEVER even have one at all, and yet have otherwise full lives with friends, exploring, trying, achieving, failing, contributing, receiving, etc. You just happen to be one those that had/have a family TOO.
Those that never had, might be too old now and never will. Whereas you still have the potential of at least reclaiming parts of yours. (The needier you are though, the less likely they will want to reestablish anything.)
Meanwhile, there are other people who would be far more appreciative of what you have to offer. We all need to quit caring about people who don't care about us. Really.
Bro, basically nobody is "okay" these days, so hopefully you're not setting your bar of expectations too idealistically high at this point.
That aside, one cycle has completed. Imagine if we lived to be 1000 years old, how many relationships we'd each have, even multiple marriages spanning decades or centuries each, how many children would come and go, etc.
I'm not saying that makes you losing your ONE family so far "okay". But if you ever lost a pet, and got another pet, and lost that pet, and got another pet, and and and... then you see how it still hurts each time, but is easier when zooming out further.
We live in a plane of existence that brings suffering. Nothing is going to change that structure, unfortunately.
You said: "I don’t have a “tribe” or a “purpose” any more. Those things rejected me."
That concept always goes both ways, Jay.
For the record, every time you go and DELETE everything in a relationship, such as entire message histories on mediums like Telegram, Signal, whatever with:
1) individuals, or even
2) entire channels of contributions by people who thought they were in your "tribe",
then you were the one doing the rejecting.
In a direct conversation, you only shoot yourself in the foot by by destroying all of the suggestions they gave you. Basically people feel like you just wasted their time and efforts. Moreover, other people's messages aren't even yours to delete in a direct conversation at all. It's a mutually shared connection, and extremely assuming to purge theirs. You can just take the time to delete your own if you want.
Maybe in your "own" open channel you could claim to "own" their messages as donations or contributions. But, then you deprive everyone of the vast wealth of information that they posted for others. Entire strategies and connections and conversations beyond just with you, gone in a blink. Poof. Again, people feel even moreso like you just wasted their time and efforts.
Same with that Zunga group with your public purging there too.
In summary, if you choose to burn perfectly good bridges, especially with zero warning, then don't be the least surprised when nobody wants to come back to rebuild them. Why, when you'll just evaporate the next ones too?
Jut so you don't keep playing a "victim" card in all this, because that's really not going to help you keep your shit on the rails again either. Just sayin.
I by no means would presume anything with that said I’ve come to find myself in (not the same situation) a similar situation where I was feeling completely isolated and I’ve realized I don’t want to be I that system. It isn’t me it made me shrink to fit in, it offered only a manipulative carrot or stick options. I have to not be myself to fit in, I’ve found that to be distasteful. I think or could say feel that after working on myself and realizing all the parts I thought were me were a programming I had learned or was instilled when I was to young to know the difference. I’m still identifying this stuff and I found anything even what I thought were my own thoughts if it makes me feel less me or I have to change myself it is a control loop of programming. I’ve realized for me the silence can be me meeting me as me. Just my rambling thoughts. I mean no disrespect nor assumptions.
Just like you can wear a glove or shoe on PART of your body (you don't have to cram your WHOLE body into it), you can also participate with PART of your essence or being in a relationship or even group for a while.
Moreover, we each become slightly different when interfacing with others.
Those are just the natural ways these things work anyway. Nothing wrong with being flexible.
But, if it means compromising values, or being someone you actually are opposite of, then that's not going to proceed well long-term.
I was separated from the only person I've ever loved, and the only person who ever loved me. I've spent almost 20 years alone. I just grew to accept life alone. People are such a mess I don't really want to be too involved with them, and they're all dealing with their own issues, everyone is. Our Western society has gradually enforced isolation more and more over the decades. You eventually just learn how to be on your own. You grow to accept that. Even when you're with other people, you're still largely alone. It's best to learn how to be at ease with yourself, and to accept yourself.
This doesn't exclude the possibility of more though. I recently met someone new, and at almost 50, I feel like my life is just starting. I know things might not work out, but I'm not going to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm really looking forward to the possibility of a new life, with new levels of intimacy, being completely dedicated to this person.
Your previous life, your family, was everything. But you may not ever get any of that back. It's ok to move on and find someone new.
Life 2.0
Some sequels are better!
You said: "Men need help too."
Yeah, have you watched and applied all the videos from the sources I've sent you repeatedly? Two most primary ones being:
* Lise Leblanc = https://www.youtube.com/@LiseLeblanc/videos
* Orion Taraban (Psychacks) = https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks/videos
Men (more accurately "males") need help too, indeed. The resources really aren't nearly 5% as available as females have.
HOWEVER, males also need to seek and apply it though, which is on us to do. And even to set up the resources for other males. Which is something you could do if you want to have a "tribe." (Just don't delete the whole thing suddenly one day on a whim, and leave everyone hangin...)
Meanwhile, our lives here don't have to revolve around one family relationship. Many people NEVER even have one at all, and yet have otherwise full lives with friends, exploring, trying, achieving, failing, contributing, receiving, etc. You just happen to be one those that had/have a family TOO.
Those that never had, might be too old now and never will. Whereas you still have the potential of at least reclaiming parts of yours. (The needier you are though, the less likely they will want to reestablish anything.)
Meanwhile, there are other people who would be far more appreciative of what you have to offer. We all need to quit caring about people who don't care about us. Really.
Yup. Needed to hear this also.
Bro, basically nobody is "okay" these days, so hopefully you're not setting your bar of expectations too idealistically high at this point.
That aside, one cycle has completed. Imagine if we lived to be 1000 years old, how many relationships we'd each have, even multiple marriages spanning decades or centuries each, how many children would come and go, etc.
I'm not saying that makes you losing your ONE family so far "okay". But if you ever lost a pet, and got another pet, and lost that pet, and got another pet, and and and... then you see how it still hurts each time, but is easier when zooming out further.
We live in a plane of existence that brings suffering. Nothing is going to change that structure, unfortunately.
Indeed. Thank you.
You said: "I don’t have a “tribe” or a “purpose” any more. Those things rejected me."
That concept always goes both ways, Jay.
For the record, every time you go and DELETE everything in a relationship, such as entire message histories on mediums like Telegram, Signal, whatever with:
1) individuals, or even
2) entire channels of contributions by people who thought they were in your "tribe",
then you were the one doing the rejecting.
In a direct conversation, you only shoot yourself in the foot by by destroying all of the suggestions they gave you. Basically people feel like you just wasted their time and efforts. Moreover, other people's messages aren't even yours to delete in a direct conversation at all. It's a mutually shared connection, and extremely assuming to purge theirs. You can just take the time to delete your own if you want.
Maybe in your "own" open channel you could claim to "own" their messages as donations or contributions. But, then you deprive everyone of the vast wealth of information that they posted for others. Entire strategies and connections and conversations beyond just with you, gone in a blink. Poof. Again, people feel even moreso like you just wasted their time and efforts.
Same with that Zunga group with your public purging there too.
In summary, if you choose to burn perfectly good bridges, especially with zero warning, then don't be the least surprised when nobody wants to come back to rebuild them. Why, when you'll just evaporate the next ones too?
Jut so you don't keep playing a "victim" card in all this, because that's really not going to help you keep your shit on the rails again either. Just sayin.
Part of this that you have described was self-abandonment, which I own. These words hit squarely on the head.
It wasn't personal to the people that were also affected, although I can see how your perception is with value.
I by no means would presume anything with that said I’ve come to find myself in (not the same situation) a similar situation where I was feeling completely isolated and I’ve realized I don’t want to be I that system. It isn’t me it made me shrink to fit in, it offered only a manipulative carrot or stick options. I have to not be myself to fit in, I’ve found that to be distasteful. I think or could say feel that after working on myself and realizing all the parts I thought were me were a programming I had learned or was instilled when I was to young to know the difference. I’m still identifying this stuff and I found anything even what I thought were my own thoughts if it makes me feel less me or I have to change myself it is a control loop of programming. I’ve realized for me the silence can be me meeting me as me. Just my rambling thoughts. I mean no disrespect nor assumptions.
It's not rambling, it was all coherent and totally relatable.
Just like you can wear a glove or shoe on PART of your body (you don't have to cram your WHOLE body into it), you can also participate with PART of your essence or being in a relationship or even group for a while.
Moreover, we each become slightly different when interfacing with others.
Those are just the natural ways these things work anyway. Nothing wrong with being flexible.
But, if it means compromising values, or being someone you actually are opposite of, then that's not going to proceed well long-term.
You’ve left several comments this evening, and each of them were poignant. I actually learned something about myself.
Who are you?
A fellow freedom lover, and fighter for what I can. Always on the lookout for lions, not sheep.