2. There are ways to do this, but you're right. Burden of proof needs to be in place, not eliminated.
3. This needs to be optional. There are all kinds of Dynamics to consider on this one.
I realize there's still a piece of me that could be in denial. While I don't see my ex, is acting maliciously, there's another part of me that realizes she knew what she was doing, and I'm still coming to terms of that part.
What my ex has done, and what my children have mirrored is indeed the core of evil.
There are HUGE groups on Facebook if I can steer you in any direction in particular; hundreds of thousands of people who have had their lives ripped apart by abusive parents who alienate, and by the courts, attorneys, and professionals who are complicit with harming children, and families, in this way.
It seems there are 3 rather well-established solutions that are slowly coming together.
1. Exposure. Somewhat drawn from what has been learned about in dealing with bullies at schools - that Administrators won't act (given the risks) and the parents of bullies will do everything necessary to wash themselves clean of the stain of their child being a bully, so the only thing that MAKES Administrators act is a bigger risk: making it public. Expose the alienators, attorneys, and the court publicly, and they *might* act.
2. Clear laws that start with complete equality of parenting, requiring the alienating parent to prove a problem (not just claim it) while also financially penalizing the alienating parent, automatically, if the children are not with the other - no discussion, assessment, or arguing needed - the kids must be with the other parent or it is the alienator's fault
3. Get extended family involved. Abused children won't believe the alienated parent. And the alienator will continue forever. Since therapists and Guardians are only involved in their lives so long, get Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents involved in the kids' lives, so the kids are exposed to the truth in a somewhat safe and sustained way.
The community of parents victims of what should a crime, this, parental alienation, is growing VERY rapidly, and needs more authorities involved.
Not many are on Substack, but I am, and I'll be spending the rest of my life trying to protect kids from this, because I've been told it's actually a more harmful form of child abuse than physical or even sexual assault - it's hidden and destroys a person's perception of reality AND when no one gets involved to stop it, the children grow up believing it might be okay. Would be my honor to help here too.
"on those models are based all his expectations, and therefore all his plans for the rest of his life"
Isn't that the truth. Between a mother who seemed incapable of *not* constantly neglecting and betraying her child, and an absent father who's only concern when he did interact with his 10 year old son was to instill his contempt and disapproval, and insinuate his boy was 'homosexual', probably because of his disdain for the mother, and you end up with lifelong issues with trust and making connections with others, with a healthy dose of dysfunction in ones intimate life.
With the prevailing sentiment;
"A man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man."
And no-fault divorce setting us down *exactly* the path which was intended, and you have a compliant society of dysfunctional consumers of both commercial goods, ineffectual therapy, and medications, who are too preoccupied and weak to oppose the tyrannical regime which rules over them.
I'm sorry about your situation. As you admit, there's enough blame to go around, but as far as the mother's behavior, it takes a very damaged person to willfully perpetrate such a vicious violation of a child's rights. I know you've gone into the reason for that damage too. I had to deal with the same thing in terms of what my grandfather did to my own mother.
Still, when I ultimately confronted him about it, this rotten husk of a man and the ultimate cause of most of my own misery, he denied it, but began weeping. Somehow *I* ended up feeling like a bully.
Fuck all though, if you can help prevent this from happening to just one child, one family.
Responding to Paul O'Brien's comment:
1. Abolish the public fool system.
2. There are ways to do this, but you're right. Burden of proof needs to be in place, not eliminated.
3. This needs to be optional. There are all kinds of Dynamics to consider on this one.
I realize there's still a piece of me that could be in denial. While I don't see my ex, is acting maliciously, there's another part of me that realizes she knew what she was doing, and I'm still coming to terms of that part.
What my ex has done, and what my children have mirrored is indeed the core of evil.
There are HUGE groups on Facebook if I can steer you in any direction in particular; hundreds of thousands of people who have had their lives ripped apart by abusive parents who alienate, and by the courts, attorneys, and professionals who are complicit with harming children, and families, in this way.
It seems there are 3 rather well-established solutions that are slowly coming together.
1. Exposure. Somewhat drawn from what has been learned about in dealing with bullies at schools - that Administrators won't act (given the risks) and the parents of bullies will do everything necessary to wash themselves clean of the stain of their child being a bully, so the only thing that MAKES Administrators act is a bigger risk: making it public. Expose the alienators, attorneys, and the court publicly, and they *might* act.
2. Clear laws that start with complete equality of parenting, requiring the alienating parent to prove a problem (not just claim it) while also financially penalizing the alienating parent, automatically, if the children are not with the other - no discussion, assessment, or arguing needed - the kids must be with the other parent or it is the alienator's fault
3. Get extended family involved. Abused children won't believe the alienated parent. And the alienator will continue forever. Since therapists and Guardians are only involved in their lives so long, get Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents involved in the kids' lives, so the kids are exposed to the truth in a somewhat safe and sustained way.
The community of parents victims of what should a crime, this, parental alienation, is growing VERY rapidly, and needs more authorities involved.
Not many are on Substack, but I am, and I'll be spending the rest of my life trying to protect kids from this, because I've been told it's actually a more harmful form of child abuse than physical or even sexual assault - it's hidden and destroys a person's perception of reality AND when no one gets involved to stop it, the children grow up believing it might be okay. Would be my honor to help here too.
These parents should be in jail.
"on those models are based all his expectations, and therefore all his plans for the rest of his life"
Isn't that the truth. Between a mother who seemed incapable of *not* constantly neglecting and betraying her child, and an absent father who's only concern when he did interact with his 10 year old son was to instill his contempt and disapproval, and insinuate his boy was 'homosexual', probably because of his disdain for the mother, and you end up with lifelong issues with trust and making connections with others, with a healthy dose of dysfunction in ones intimate life.
With the prevailing sentiment;
"A man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man."
And no-fault divorce setting us down *exactly* the path which was intended, and you have a compliant society of dysfunctional consumers of both commercial goods, ineffectual therapy, and medications, who are too preoccupied and weak to oppose the tyrannical regime which rules over them.
I'm sorry about your situation. As you admit, there's enough blame to go around, but as far as the mother's behavior, it takes a very damaged person to willfully perpetrate such a vicious violation of a child's rights. I know you've gone into the reason for that damage too. I had to deal with the same thing in terms of what my grandfather did to my own mother.
Still, when I ultimately confronted him about it, this rotten husk of a man and the ultimate cause of most of my own misery, he denied it, but began weeping. Somehow *I* ended up feeling like a bully.
Fuck all though, if you can help prevent this from happening to just one child, one family.